October 29 2011 4:30am

Yeah, I’m still awake this early morning in the Philippines.

This is my SemBreak ‘11. Hahaha. Sarcastic eh. Fortunately, semestral break in UST lasts for a month. The first week was for the consultation days in the Faculty of Engineering. I’m glad for the result of my grades even though I lack 0.06 to get through the Dean’s List. The 2nd week was for relaxation, I think.. or more like a stressful one. Darn that. Then this no-internet week was for cleaning. Still, it didn’t feel like a break. 

I wanna be free for a day. Just roam around somewhere cool and breezy minus the pollution and stress. Honestly, I don’t really feel like myself. I still have this deep wound in my heart. I dunno how to heal it either. If you are reading this blog, probably you know what the hell is up with me. I just let God do His will and heal this wound too. I wanna go to school already. I want to go to mass there and feel safe in the Church. 

I’m glad I have such good friends who never got tired yet of my drama. Sometimes, I see my flaws in that past, but most of the time the blame is on him. I just feel guilty sometimes how selfish I got too but… I just don’t really know what is right and wrong. I just don’t know.

I hate this feeling that you are so confused with this pile of crap. My heart needs someone who can take care of me and my mind says its not you anymore. No more reasons to get back on you because I felt that you don’t need me either. I feel that I’m nothing to you. 

Oh God. Please help me to move on, without the rebound thingy they say. I know you are the only one I can lean on right now. Please hug me with you warm arms. Let me feel your love through the people around me. Let me see the wonderful things you gave to me. 

As a teenager, this thing feels like everything. Just like all of you did. We always come to this crap. Help us build different relationship and ourselves. I just really hope that I chose the right decision.

4:52am

How can you forget someone you LOVED more than yourself?

I just hate when memories go back and it hurts like hell. I know I should forget you, I should not care for you. But why these feelings won’t stop yet from haunting me. I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE. I’m tired of chasing after you. I shouldn’t gave you the satisfaction that I can always wait. I once needed you, but now I need somebody else who can take care of me like you did and you should have. I’m tired of crying like an idiot because we are better without each other. That’s what happened when we broke up. I just was too stupid for everything. Love wasn’t enough. I hate it because you are so blind and numb of everything. You only care about yourself. Your stupid pride, your stupid “friends”, your stupid game. Never of me. I was stupid enough to fall for someone who wouldn’t be there for me.

All I want is to forget about everything and move on.